I spent the decade following my diabetes diagnosis hating diabetes. I did not ask “why me” or feel sorry for myself, I just hated diabetes.
However, hating diabetes made me hate myself.
I was diagnosed as an adult and I thought I knew who I was. Unfortunately, who I was, was wrapped within the commercial sense of “love yourself”, because “you are worth it”.
You know, like the TV commercial that tell you to reward and indulge your successes and good deeds. I grew up equating that with self-love.
Diabetes management was easy in the beginning. My health care team praised me, they told me they wished all their patients were like me. I was their star. Great numbers made me feel good about myself and my team made me feel special.
Then slowly diabetes got a lot harder to manage, I became one of those patients, and I was not a star anymore. I felt bad about myself, I felt like a failure.
How can I love myself when I hate a part of me?
I needed to value all of me, including diabetes. I needed to cultivate a respect habit, everything I do, I needed to do with care. The quality of my actions matter, I try to pick up and put down my diabetes care tools with respect.
I try to test my blood sugar purposely and respectfully.
I endeavor to respect every supply I buy, use and dispose of. There is a choice in every diabetes moment, between acting out of love, or out of fear.
Learning and continuing to act with love toward diabetes is my big and small accomplishment.
Today’s prompt is – Accomplishment, big and small
“We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you’ve made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small – think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.). (Thanks to Hilary of Rainie and Me for this topic suggestion.)”